Twin Sister and more good times


That title is a little misleading. It suggests I am having good times. I am having… okay times. But one area of my life where I am having a great time is music.

The current track I am jamming to is Bad Street by Twin Sister

It basically rocks. I wont have it any other way.

My music setup currently involves a pair of v-moda m100’s and m80’s. Both are great headphones. I really pick one up based on how mobile I want to be. At home, I have definitive technology’s incline speakers that are a standard 2 channel affair, but include a DSP and can pump out some amazing bass. So, yes, I am curating my musical experience carefully.

And there is nothing better than putting together a playlist and tearing up in joy, or sorrow, based on the mood. When music is this good, I start to understand why music has the power to unite. A concert filled with hundreds of thousands of people just swaying to an anthemic track. Or maybe an intimate live track that reminds you of the garage band you wanted to start. Maybe you had a go at the electric guitar once and felt that if only you possessed a little bit of skill you could become a God. It’s great that even as a passive listener, music lets us participate in the event, and remember with all its texture intact.

The past few months have been more that just discovering great music. I hate to admit it, but I have been a bit of a recluse- and yet, I have had a good time. I think on balance, this is the best I have felt in a great long while. A part of it is maybe the halo effect of the job- which I still love and have a great time every day. But it is more than that. There is peace of mind. Not having to worry about a hundred different things and instead spending time with myself, building my personal space in a way I find fit. All that’s missing is a cat and I would be certifiably depressed- or worse, a hipster. Good thing that I can’t really stand cats. Dogs though- maybe a cute puppy that can pull in the ladies…. that’s a joke.

Sorry this post has been a bit scatter brained. I haven’t tried to really organize my thoughts, simply typed along to the music. But hey… enjoy the music, yeah?

Rock Music is Dead.

No they were not trapped in a time capsule. This really is a song from 2004. But this is one of the most anthemic 80’s rock ballad I have heard in the past decade and I am really disappointed that what we called Rock today is really just a version of pop. Or do you really believe in Coldplay? At the very least, the definition of what mainstream media thinks rock music is has changed.

The MTV effect which occurred in the late 80’s when video killed the radio star was as follows. Epic rock stars (even if they were balding) who made great music while wearing bandanas were replaced by choreographed dancing and catchy tunes from pop music. Once MTV decided that it was possible to just show pretty people playing or ahem… pretending to play music, that ruined things even more. And then there was auto tune.

Today, with streaming music and all the hue and cry of albums not selling, the only way it seems anyone is successful is by appealing to the masses. And so we have a string of awful, awful videos with people shrieking and cursing each other all in the name of music. And the definition of Rock music has changed. Is it just semantics? Are people just using the word differently?

The essence of a rock band is drums, guitar, bass and vocals. You need the 4. its a quartet. And for a long time the formula worked. I was okay if Jennifer Lopez or Iggy Azalea were most watched on YouTube. After all… no one was listening to their music. But then Lorde wins an award for best Rock song because maybe ‘Royals’ was a little different from what people had heard… and Paramore won the grammy for Aint it fun. Which is likely the worst song they wrote in their self titled album from 2013. The only song that would qualify as more awful than Aint it fun was Ankle biters. But hey… that’s rock music for you today.

And so I am digging in the past to find something I like.

But it is not all bad news. Some singer-songwriters are doing really well. Youtube has also made artists like Kina Grannis and Mindy Gledhil possible. And for every awful song from a Carly Rae Jespen, there are artists like Maria Taylor, Allo Darlin and Rilo Kiley.

You just have to dig deeper. It takes more effort. But the rewards are worth it. Beautiful tunes and the smugness of being a hipster. Why not embrace it? We are having to work so hard for it.

“Of Monsters and Men – Slow And Steady (Official Lyric Video)” on YouTube

Of Monsters and Men – Slow And Steady (Official Lyric Video):

So my ears been hurting almost all day because I haven’t taken off my headphones in a long long time. And this song is to blame.

Mannequins in the coffee shop (fiction)

Unhappiness is never knowing what could have happened. What if? What if I were braver? What if the music was not that distracting? What if it was not closing time yet? What if time could stand still or turn back at my will?

What if the bad memories just faded away and only the version of you and me that remained was the one we mutually liked?

We would become mannequins, empty shells with fake emotions endlessly repeating what the other liked until one of us finally chose to move on. We would be happy for a while but it would be fleeting for both you and I are actually quite fond of change although we do protest it. In our plastic bodies all dressed to please each other, we would be uncomfortable and feel trapped. You would grow weary of my sarcasm and I would learn your mannerisms and mock them- for that is what I do.
You would tell me of adventures I had never been part of and share anecdotes more exciting than are friendly and loving tête a tête.  And I would be mad but patiently listen… for our conversations are always one sided. We talk, but we would not absorb. Plastic is that way.

Soon our unhappiness would start to show with forced motions forming jarring memories, and metallic emotions that we would learn to despise. The shiny happy people from technicolor movies who adored polaroids and brunches would realise their lives were like a daily soap on the telly that they escaped from in their perfect little coffee shop. This coffee shop.
This make shift home away from home where company was pleasing but cold and coffee was sweet but expensive.

They would soon despise each other, these fantasy versions of us. Yet you are perfect the way I picture you. I need to broaden my mind you say… You are the loveliest version of yourself when you are with me… Or is that just me projecting on this empty chair.

I am haunted by those memories. This coffee shop brings out the worst in me. I will not come here again I tell myself. I tip, I leave. Its is colder outside. Or maybe its an after effect of an operation. A surgical procedure where memories of you are being taken away. I can never come here again.

On Music, and discovering a new band…

I discovered a band.

I say that like it means a lot a lot to me. And really, it does. At different times in my life I have discovered a new band to crush on, to follow, to worship, to *like*… but while a band like daft punk may have a few songs I think have a good rhythm, they don’t completely invade my mind or have a lasting effect. For all the Carly Rae Jepsen’s of the world (I’ve never really heard her song. Its more like a bieber reference I am throwing in to sound cool…), Anyway, like I was saying,there are only a select few bands I admire and *LOVE*
I just found a band I love.

Joining the ranks with The Shins, Belle and Sebastian, God Help the Girl, Allo Darlin, Fleetwood Mac, The Smiths and Pink Floyd are one of my new favs… Camera Obscura

What matters really for bands is not the music- its the words. Thats what we remember, or mis-remember years later and those are the songs we imagine we are living. With Camera Obscura, I have found music and words that resonate with me perfectly. Its magical. Allo Darlin is a similar band- songs that are light, set to a decent melody and have a timeless quality to it. All these bands I like, they could have been from the 70’s or the 80’s. They are a bit retro… That some of them are making music in the same word where Lorde wins best rock album befuddles me. But most of popular music and the culture around it is crazy anyway. No offence to Lorde- she is cool. I actually like her music. But she could really write better. What’s with the queen bee, green pea whatever… references like that take me out of the music.

Songs need to mean something. They need to matter. After all, songs are an outlet for us non creatives to feel and experience what the artist is saying. No, feeling. A good writer is able to tell us a little something about them in the song. Some are able to narrate an experience- without having to shove in a pointless cryptic video. Oh and I hate the fact that MTV figured out that they don’t need to play good music. They just need to show pretty people. Unfortunately the democracy that is YouTube only convinces me that to the populous out there, it is not the music that matters, but the celebrity. Well, we have better taste.

Camera Obscura, a scottish band, fantastic lead singer. She sounds like Maria Taylor, only more retro. And I LOVE Maria Taylor. In some ways, this music is trapped in time. Like it were playing from a stereo. Remember those?

I recommend The Sweetest Thing. This is a crowd pleaser. It has a chorus you can’t help but sing to – see if you can spot the Fleetwood Mac joke in the start. It’s ‘rumored’ haha…

[the words]

But, the real song by this band that I *LOVE*, where the words matter more than the music is ‘New Years Resolution’..

[the words]


I’ve been cool with you
The sooner you admit it I will too

Anyway, later.


So I went from INTJ to ISFP.

How did that happen?

I took myers briggs today because I have more free time than sense and I measure my personality by filling forms and live how the results tell me how I should be living. If the results say I am a creative, I need to create and if it says I am a hopeless depressive, then I start listening to brooding songs. Jokes aside, I just moved from a personality type that is more methodical and analyzing to one that is all fluffy emotions and lets be best friends for ever buddy!!
The problem here is that I think I am actually changing as well. So its more than just the piece of paper sending me a message. I am fairly certain that I am not the typical INTJ any more. Or that I never was. Perhaps I was mechanical in at work and did a few things by following protocol. But there were always wild flourishes of creativity, humor and cool-ness about my work as well. In the end of the day, I do care about things like empathy and yes, I do like pretty/artistic things and reading people’s body language.

Why do I do this? I have no idea. Maybe I have always done it. The INTJ was perhaps a mistake.

So what does my new ISFP status mean to anyone who interacts with me? Well, from what they say here…( it sounds like the following atleast they get right.

1.  ISFP is likely to not give themselves enough credit for the things which they do extremely well (Yes)

2. ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others (Never wanted to and probably never should)

3. ISFPs are warm and sympathetic.(I try. you know nobody’s perfect)

4. ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. (But if i start talking you will… haha)

5. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously. (You can say that again. if buyer’s remorse tends to keep me up at night and minor decisions put me in a ‘state’, I can tell that my life is going to be atypical and stressful.)

The reality is though, I am sure I could find common themes in any number of other personality types. Can’t really live by this can I? I just need to do my own thing and it happens to result in an ISFP personality type, then so be it.

Alternatively- maybe I am not so easily defined. Maybe life is not so simple or I am not so simple that an an ISFP or INTJ can correctly predict my behaviour at all times. Time will tell.

Que Sera Sera…

There are billions of stars in a galaxy, right? The numbers are so huge, its hard to comprehend how unlikely it is that things work the way they do. I am thinking about large numbers right now because I am thinking about probability. It has taken so many chances, so many mutations and so many small decisions for me to end up here right now- in this multiverse.

Big numbers always interest me, but if I want to be overwhelmed- I don’t have to think about planets and star systems. I only need think about people. We are complicated machines. I find human interactions- strange. So many things can go wrong. So many misunderstandings… It’s almost like an infinite number of possibilities on how a conversation can go. If I screw something up, I could really mess up a friendship. And so I remind myself…

  • I am not the only one with preferences and a memory…
  • I am not the only one who can hold a grudge.
  • I am not the only with good taste. In fact, in all likelihood, my taste sucks.

I was talking to a friend today and we briefly touched upon this idea that I always live in my head. “Its not all about you”. More than a few people have said this to me and I feel I should apologize right now. I do live in my head. I think its a seminal moment in our lives when somewhere between being a kid and and an adult, you suddenly realize that the people you are interacting with are not just dummies in your world but have thoughts and emotions too. If you end up being the more understanding type- you are empathetic and what management types would call ’emotionally intelligent’. Or you could end up like me- someone who can judge the temperature of the room and adapt- but typically does so when its already a few degrees too cold due to something they have said. Damage control. I run damage control on most nights and blame it on being a child trapped in an adults body.

So here is the crux… when it comes to conversations, I often realise mid sentence that my friends are extremely tolerant listeners and that I, am the dominant speaker. They are not dummies. (I know that!)

I am the hero of my life’s movie. But, I know I am just a minor character in thiers. And yet, for the few moments that I am on screen, I talk- and talk- and talk… and they listen. It must really be awful to be my friend. And for me to imagine that they would like me or appreciate my company requires so many things to go right. Free will and all that. I might engineer a conversation, but not listening enough means I am basically leaving a lot up to chance.

So imagine me as a minor character in the life of my local barista. She is a ‘Robin’. I know she is, it says so right on her name tag. She has black hair that she has colored brown on the tips. She wears thick black glasses. She wishes me a good day and I ask her for a mocha. She is polite makes a joke about something I dont even bother listening to. I am more interested in my music. What to me is a meaningless 3 min conversation with Robin  seeing as she is after all a dummy in my life- might be a very different story from her point of view. Robin, has a mind. She has a life. She probably even has hopes and dreams like I do. I do not have an inflated sense of self importance however and I do not think I can remotely be the most interesting thing that happens in her life all day. No, I am the dummy.

So, in the end, what I am saying is… I need to be careful about how I handle conversations because I don’t want small things I do to leave bad memories in minds of others. But can I be aware and careful all the time? Can I be try and be more sensitive? Well, I sure can try. But in this infinite world- I may just have to leave this all up to chance. And… I have to trust my friends.

Its like the allo darlin track where my friends tell me, they have troubles too… but they try and keep it hidden from me. Simply because I have so much going on all the time- Or maybe I just talk about it more often:

I’ve got my troubles too you don’t know much about
I try to keep them hidden from you
So I won’t freak you out
You’re not the only one with dreams baby
And if you’re patient you will see maybe

Que sera sera
What will be will be
As long as you’re with me
It’s easy like taking candy from a baby