Jewsih and goyish

Dig: I’m Jewish. Count basie’s Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor’s goyish. B’nai B’rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish.

If you live in New York or any other big city, you are Jewish. It doesn’t matter if you are catholic; if you live in New York, you’re Jewish. if you live in Butte, Montana, you’re goyish even if you’re Jewish.

Kool-Aid is Goyish. Evaporated milk is goyish even if the Jews invented it. Chocolate is Jewish and fudge is goyish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-o is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish.

All Drake’s cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes, goyish. Black-cherry soda’s very Jewish, macaroons are very Jewish.

Negroes are all Jews, Italians are all Jews. Irishmen who have rejected their religion are Jews. Mouths are very Jewish. And bosoms. Baton-twirling is goyish.

Underwear is definitely goyish. Balls are goyish. Titties are Jewish.

Celebrate is a goyish word. Observe is a Jewish word. Mr and Mrs. Walsh are celebrating Christmas with Major Thomas Moreland, USAF (ret.), while Mr and Mrs Bromberg observed Hannukah with Goldie and Arthur Schilindler from Kiamesha, New York.

— Lenny Bruce

Intro to The Autograph Man by Zadie Smith


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