Its easy to get carried away with emotions and start reading into people’s actions. I was doing this the last few days and have finally decided to follow the advice of one of my oldest friends and just ignore externalities and do your own thing.
My own effin thing.
And what is that exactly? Well, it’s everything really, interactions I partake in, books I read, from the favorite’d sites on my web browser to the music I listen to when I go to sleep and the music that makes me laugh or cry or SHOUT!
I sat in on a consumer behavior class a few days back, I’m not taking the subject, but there was someone in class I wanted to observe. As it happened, I learnt a few things, things applicable here. The lecturer was saying that the musical tastes we gravitate to are really formed at a younger age. I find that comforting because it explains why I don’t like much of the crap coming out of the states now-a-days and why I adore the music from the 70s-80s-90s
So, ANYWAY! When I define myself, I am a product of the past, a past I didn’t contribute to, but every small action I take today, helps build some other Me’s actions. A talking poet Sarah Kay whom I was watching recently had a poem that described how in the start of life you begin terrified not knowing what’s expected of you, and you laugh at the implications, the expectations of adults who expect great things because they see a future in you… a future you cannot comprehend.
So im sitting here, terrified of the day ahead, not knowing what it will bring. You know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m going to live not for today, but for 5 years from now. Think long term, not short term satisfaction, but long term success. Whatever that looks like. Its dark out there, in the wilderness.