‘It fits, i guess’, she said as she stretched her leg in front of the mirror, and pictured what she would look like if she ever had to strike this pose outside the store. She found the idea amusing but when she looked at the pictures on the wall of androgynous teens lounging on a park bench or striking a provocative pose on a street, she had to question what she was buying. The look? Or the merchandise? The jeans would have to do. Like the rest of her clothing, this was just another piece in what was an ensemble look that was never defined. It was never questioned tested for contemporary & never matched for style. Who had time for it when there was a life to live? Her life…
Clothes were prioritized by function and not by glamour. It was a topic she argued over with her sister and her friends. Her opinions were taken as being ‘feminist’ and even occasionally ‘deliberately anti-social or alternative’. She laughed at the idea that her choice of a pair of jeans would label her as a feminist. Having made the purchase, being shocked at the price tag, but still relying on her intuition that since this was the look, it was probably right. she made her way home 390 dollars poorer and none the happier.
The jeans were for a party that she was going to, and she knew this was special. She wanted to look good, she wanted to be liked. This was a new city, start of a new life, if she only kept her spirits up and fit it… it would all be okay. She stopped at a coffee shop. She was looking at her schedule for the week, where was the time? When was she going to travel? She crossed out her weekend and wrote ‘UNAVAILABLE’. Work to work… she needed to take some time off. She wanted to make sure she had this weekend to herself. Time to explore the town!
As she sipped her coffee and scanned tweets and status updates from her friends, she instantly missed them. This was so unfair, being so far away from everyone. The timing of it all was however just right. She had to get away, he life was getting too messy and as she missed their company, distance… distance she knew made it easier to forgive people. She responded to a few messages, finished her coffee and walked home.
She found herself taking the longer route home. Maybe she didnt have to go to this party? Wasn’t it better to just disappear? Why be unavailable for just the weekend? Why not the week? Why not visit the jazz club Ruth had told her about and go on a drive by the beach? Why not visit the village that Claire had shown her pictures of? Why not?
She turned off the internet on her phone and quickly walked home. Upstairs, she packed a small case with overnight clothes and took the keys to her Lincoln. She left a note explaining she was going to be back next monday to her housemate and left. She hadnt planned her vacation, she knew that. Like her little purchase of the expensive jeans, this was an impulsive decision and she might not follow through if she started planning.
‘I have time’, she said, ‘I am enough’