I cannot tell you how much joy reading your letter brings to me. It has been a while since we last spoke and our lives have taken us to different parts of the world. I have kept track of your moments, but in the interim years, events have been… life has not been kind.
Allow me to first apologize. I ask your forgiveness in the hope that you will understand the reason for not contacting you. I am sorry you had to hear of my ailment through others. You are right to feel hurt, but please, do not think that the act of not telling you of my maladies was a sign of any distance, or some coldness between us. You knew me- it is fair to say- at my best and I believe in some small corner of my mind, I wanted to spare you the misery of knowing what cards life has dealt me…
It is true what you have heard, these are last days of my life. The constant smell of sickness around my being and the sympathetic smiles, dried tearful eyes of my loved ones and the dreadful tick of the clock as it counts down to whatever comes next, unwavering in its resolve to be accurate to the last hour… minute… second… is haunting indeed.
You ask me how this happened… and at times I question that myself. As my body crumbles and the poison of chelation runs through me- the truths of my life are laid bare. There is little that matters in the end- not my possessions, not the house… not even my education in which I took so much pride. None of it held any significance when I took toll of what I had done with my years and what I was to face now. I even turned to God, to ask for forgives and ask him the same question you ask me now- how did this happen… but no answers…
But my dear friend, reading you letter today really does take me back… our days in university… the days we would spend arguing over the color and arrangements of the flowers and the theme of the ball we organized. Our planning, our execution was brilliant. I have been flicking through the album all morning reliving that day, it was perfect- you see? It really was. And there are countless such moments. So many movies, so many melodies that remind me of you. Those were such lovely memories and I feel truly blessed to have experienced them with you.
In case you are curious, this is one of the letters that a character ‘writes to his friend when she enquires about his illness. The letter is part of a work of fiction I had started to write a while back- an unfinished, abandoned work (titled e.c.l.i.p.s.e in case you are wondering)
I have no idea why I am posting it here- perhaps because I strangely was moved reading it again… as I hope you will be when reading it.