Failure to Change


In 2017, my new year resolution (yes, I do occasionally maintain these) was to try and fix what I did not do in 2016. In 2016, I wanted to develop a consistent hobby, something other than gaming or sleeping or watching a tv show. I also wanted to begin travelling. And finally, I wanted to adapt- and be more social.

So, how did I do?

New hobby – Pass.

I succeeded in the ‘new hobby’ category. I bought a camera and have been learning how to shoot pictures that are more than your standard phone camera affairs. I enjoy the technical skill required and the little bit or artistic flair needed to frame a shot perfectly or capture a moment that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. I especially like landscapes, though portraits are likely what deliver better results. My point is, this resolution sort of worked out.

Travel, Passed, barely.

The next one is less of a success, sure, I traveled more in 2016 that in 2015. I went to Tokyo & Bali. However, in both cases, I did not plan my travel well in advance. I treated the trip as just another air travel rather than try and create a true experience. I was disappointed by both trips and for my next trip, I intend to make it more memorable- ie plan an itinerary in advance, hit the spots, plan to have fun, actually have fun and then mark this one off as a success in the end.

On the other hand- fun is overrated. I do not need to plan to have fun. Just not to regret doing whatever it is that I end up doing.

Being Social. Fail.

Occasionally when reading random content on the web, I hit upon an article that discusses the follies of an introvert. Or how hard it is to make small talk. How it is a waste of time, requires no imagination and actually detracts from meaningful discussions. Yet, the definition of small talk in these articles is things like, how is the weather? how the traffic was like getting here? what did you do on your holiday? how old is your kid? what are you doing for new year? what is the meaning of life? why are you asking so many questions? what is going on? is this a meta discussion?

Okay Okay, maybe only the weather and traffic questions are really small talk to most people. But for me, well, almost everything is. I’ve hit upon this point before in the blog where i describe how self centered I am. That remains true. I can talk about my hobbies, my life, my job, my dog, my Ferrari… okay, i got derailed again-

The point is, when it comes to discussing my life- I am great at it. I can go into adequate detail. I can overshare. I do overshare. When someone tells me something, it is easier for me to pretend to empathize, if I draw parallels with something that has happened to me. And then I am social… Okay, saying pretend to empathize is going too far. I do care, i just don’t do a good job of explaining it.

A lot of this has been going in my mind recently as I have receded into my private sphere, away from work and closer to family- trying to fit in.

Not everything in my mind is about ‘the feels and discomfort’ though- I am scared and terrified about my job. I am anxious about the future and okay- I see what’s going on- I am all about the feels and discomfort after all. But I don’t want to be. I want to occupy my mind with less of the everyday mind numbing awfulness and instead focus on one big thing. This year, that one big thing is self development and career.

Being Social is not something I will keep in my to do list for 2017, but arguably, the most social I was- ever – was when I was in my MBA and was focusing on self development. I wrote more actively on the blog, I talked to more people about things other than myself. I made more friends that ever before- which reminds me- gotta connect with a few of them again. And just like that, but broadening the definition of being social from just small talk- to focusing on self and reconnecting with friends… i think 2017 can be a lot more overrated fun.

For 2017

  1. Travel
  2. Grow at work
  3. Play less Overwatch
  4. Focus on self development and re-kindle old friendships.

Oh and happy effing new year to you as well.


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